To Whom It May Concern

Dear ________,

I'm sorry for all those times I've judged you. God keeps bringing me back to Matthew 7:3. It's frustrating, but only because the verse speaks so much truth in my life.

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"

I know there's a plank in my eye, but many times, I choose to ignore it. And because of that, judging you becomes easier and loving you becomes all the more difficult. Focusing on your iniquities, as opposed to my own, does not make me feel better about myself, just more bitter towards you. I have experienced what this thing Jesus calls a "plank" in my eye can do to my relationship with you and with God. I want to be able to love you despite the iniquities and not just because I have iniquities of my own but because you are a creation of God and He is perfect.

I'm still God's work in progress, so please be patient with me also.

Yours Truly,
Amanda Low

heheh

Spider from Qoob TV on Vimeo.

money

I hate money. I hate what it does to people. I hate that money defines one's success in this world.

Since I got home, I've been so careful to not start silly arguments with my parents and to be a better daughter to them. I think yesterday was the only time ever when I had true joy in running errands and helping out around the house. As much as I've been getting along with my parents these past few days, there's a HUGE wall that still stands between us. I hate money. I've had this discussion with my parents in the past and it always ends with bad feelings and bitterness. We touched on the money discussion a little again during dinner time and I felt all the bad feelings coming back to me and without thinking, or maybe thinking aloud, I said, "I hate money."

My parents did not have money growing up. Both my parents were raised in the ghettos of New York and they constantly remind me how hard it was for them. They worked/work really hard so that my siblings and I don't have to go through what they went through. I feel terrible for making them pay so much money for me to go to CMU, especially when I've been a less than average student. I feel even worse when I catch myself judging my parents and calling them hypocrites when they spend money on luxuries and expensive vacations. It's different when they don't know God. In their eyes, they earned their money without God. They moved up on the social/economic ladder without God.

Like most other parents, my parents expect me to come out of college with a high paying job so that I can live an even more "comfortable" life than what I am living now. I am an investment, but I can't promise them that they will be getting what they're paying for, even if I wanted the same things. I'm still working hard in school, but I don't think I'll be comfortable living a "comfortable" life after I graduate. How can I after what God has been revealing to me?

Between me and my parents, there are so many clashes from different cultures. Forget double-mindedness, more like quadruple-mindedness (yay Interp). My parents, though pretty Americanized, hold tight to their collective and family values. These aren't bad values to have at all, but it's been difficult when God seems to be pulling me in a different direction; a direction my parents might not approve of.

Following Jesus is hard.