school

I watched a documentary today on fair trade coffee, "Black Gold." The cool thing about fair trade is that it gives the coffee farmers a "fairer" price for their coffee. In one scene, there were about 20 men from a village in Ethiopia meeting to decide what to do with the profits they made from selling coffee beans. The consensus was to build a school for the children. It wouldn't be a very good school and they would have to wait for the next payment to build it. It saddens me when I see children with a strong desire to learn but can't. 

As a student attending Bronx Science, I knew I would get into a decent college no matter what my grades were. But there are children even here in America who do not have that security. Many of whom don't believe they'll make it to high school, let alone college. God had shown me how I take school for granted. I forget so easily. It's so easy to complain about the workload, the "bad" TAs. It's easy to take school for granted.

"Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life..." - Philippians 2:14-16

my burden

I thank God for my parents. Not just because they love me, care for me, look out for my best interests, provide for my physical needs, etc. But they have been the greatest challenge to my faith. I look back at the email padre sent me a while ago, filled with so many questions and thoughts he has been struggling with. I have responses to them all, but I have no idea how to respond to my parents. Maybe I'm waiting for a new answer that will satisfy them. But I don't think there exists one unless they have a change of heart. 

Despite my and my parents' lack of knowledge of the Chinese culture, language, geography, history, traditions, practices, etc., I struggle with the only value padre seems to latch onto. "Family should come first." I have trouble even typing my response to this statement because I know that my response would break my parents' hearts. I can tell them over and over again how much I appreciate what they do for me, but in the end, I am crushing all their dreams for me, my future in which their entire adult lives were invested. There are so many thoughts that are running through my mind at this moment, none of which I know how to put down in words, so I'm just going to stop.  

Thank you for saving me; what can I say?

You are my every-thing, I will sing Your praise.

You shed Your blood for me; what can I say?

You took my sin and shame,

a sinner called by name.

Great is the Lord.

Great is the Lord.

For we know Your truth has setu s free;

You've set Your hope in me.

Mercy and grace are mine, forgiven is my sin;

Jesus, my only hope, the Saviour of the world.

"Great is the Lord," we cry;

"God, let Your kingdom come."

Your word has set me free,

thank You for saving me.