I'm so torn between Pittsburgh and New York. Not even Pittsburgh, but the South Side and New York. I can't explain why I'm starting to love the South Side. So, if you ask, I'd probably say something vague. This scares me a little. I have 1.5 years left before I graduate and I hate thinking about the future because it's really up to God, but I can't help it. I'm starting to compare Pittsburgh and NY in my head.
I've missed New York. I was hoping I'd return to friends eager to explore something new in the city with me. Because this is such a huge city, there's always something new to see. But that mindset seem to have faded. I should be happy with simply just seeing my friends. I am happy. I just wish we still had that high school attitude. Who cares if it doesn't seem practical to go all the out to the city only to come back? We never cared about practicality, time, money (sometimes it was bad) before. All that mattered was that we were enjoying each other's company, exploring new things together. Why is everyone so quick to "grow up"? Maybe I'm being selfish. Maybe it's just being at home for a few days... no time to transition. But why should I have to transition? Transition is only needed if people have changed. Maybe I've changed.
I've missed New York. I was hoping I'd return to friends eager to explore something new in the city with me. Because this is such a huge city, there's always something new to see. But that mindset seem to have faded. I should be happy with simply just seeing my friends. I am happy. I just wish we still had that high school attitude. Who cares if it doesn't seem practical to go all the out to the city only to come back? We never cared about practicality, time, money (sometimes it was bad) before. All that mattered was that we were enjoying each other's company, exploring new things together. Why is everyone so quick to "grow up"? Maybe I'm being selfish. Maybe it's just being at home for a few days... no time to transition. But why should I have to transition? Transition is only needed if people have changed. Maybe I've changed.
Hm, this is an interesting post. Personally, I never liked the idea of falling in love with a place and/or calling some place in this world "home"... I like the idea of being able to pack my things and leave without any hesitation if and when God calls me to go somewhere else.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I guess for a lot of people, their calling starts with a burden for a specific place... But then, is it really the location to which you're called, or is it something else? Could you (or should you) really define your ministry by a city?
What are your thoughts on that?
I've been listening to Bon Jovi's "I Love this Town" these last days spent here i NYC, and it really hits me:
ReplyDelete// Say hey (say hey) say yeah (say yeah) // You make me feel at home somehow // That's why I love this town // (...)
// No matter where you're from, tonight you're from right here // This is where it all goes down, down, down // That's why I love this town //
Yeah, I love walkin' in Manhattan, just enjoying the lively spirit in the streets. You have a fine city right here. It reminds me of home in a completely different way than what Pittsburgh does (I guess it's because Pittsburgh is so familiar now).
I dunno how this relates to your blog post, but wanted to share:-)
On the more reflected note, I think "home" is a very very powerful and healthy concept to know. Home is familiar - safe. Home is where your loved ones are. Home is heaven - home is the kingdom. Home is where you turn when things get tough. Home is where you are loved.
For my own sake, I've been moving around a lot during my childhood - I've lived in two different states in the US, I've lived in Sweeden and in Oslo for respectively 6, 10, 10 and 5 months. However, we always returned to Bergen, or, more precisely; to one of the independent suburbs of Bergen. This was home - we knew we would return whenever we left, and we knew we could go anywhere without losing it.
hm, this reminds me of a lot of conversations I've had about home recently, especially while doing concert planning for jn. I like to think that my home is in heaven and I shouldn't get too attached to these other places I've lived in.
ReplyDeleteI don't think there's anything wrong with changing either - I've definitely changed a lot since coming to college. My thoughts on New York and post-graduation have changed a lot too.. The longer I've been away from New York, the more okay I am with the idea that I might not be working here next year if that's not where God wants me to be.
I'm sure wherever you end up in 1.5 years, whether it's in New York or South Side or a completely different place, there'll be a way for you to serve using the strengths and passions you have, even if it may take some time to find the specific locations in that new place. After all, you're just starting to love the South Side now, and you've been in Pittsburgh for 2.5 years already right?